Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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