oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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