He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
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It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
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He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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