Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
