East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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