Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
He is an equal opportunity slut.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
