It's like God shit irony all over that family
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
