She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
It was confusing and full of hummus
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
