When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize