He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
