I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Randomize
