I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
