ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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