Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
she looked like the before picture.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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