Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
