Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
