Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
