hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
