she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
