youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I need water and some morals
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
