Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just want to make out with him forever
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
