He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
