So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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