ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Randomize
