Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We left an ass print on the piano.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
