I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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