and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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