Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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