I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
