Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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