You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
