Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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