That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
