wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
