At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
