this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
