dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
