I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
