What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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