She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
