kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
