I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
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Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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