I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
