why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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