You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
