Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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