When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
