I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
