i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
