i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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