I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize