She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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