I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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