I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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