This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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