no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
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I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
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I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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