I skipped work to stalk him.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
