So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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