Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
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merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
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I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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