he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
