got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It was like getting head from an anaconda
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
