just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
