wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Terrible idea I love it
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
